where is my mind?: a teaser
by Envious sky
Summary: where is my mind? Did I ever have it? Did it ever exist? Did it disappear into a puff of smoke or did life wash it away piece by piece? My life keeps falling apart, and I don't know what to do, I'm so helpless right now. I just want to escape, from all this, from everything, from my insanity. M for drug use and swearing.


**(1,779 words) I got really bored one night and stopped what I was writing to write this, wasted an hour and half of my life but had fun doing it. It's a teaser for a story I shall get to writing eventually, just gotta wait awhile because I have two-three other stories I intend to finish before writing it.**

**I could've wrote this more closer to the actually date I make the story but I really love it and just had to write something for it.**

**The main reason why I even have a teaser for it is because it's a long story and the start is really different to later in and I don't want to attract the wrong crowd to it.**

**My beta reader was apparently reading this out in an english accent while reading it, I want to question that severely.**

**The little insane voice in my head (which is ironically called Serah) wrote this without much help, something seems wrong with that.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything about XIII besides my stories, I just want to go and steal the legal rights to Serah, does anyone know how I can go about that?**

* * *

**Where is my mind?**

* * *

Glazed cerulean eyes stared up at the ceiling, like it was something to be amazed by. Smoke created a haze in the small room, slipping out from the cracks in the walls, out the broken window and under the wrecked door. Lightning lay sprawled on the floor, head held up by a mess of a bed, with wooden legs cracked and sheets torn.

She'd done it in a fit of sudden anger; she didn't know why and she didn't care. Nothing mattered now; her mind was gone into sweet oblivion with the puff of smoke. The room was spinning, every movement made her nerves burn with the touch. It was wonderful to leave her torture behind in the dust of a dark life. Pure bliss was what she was sinking into. Sometimes she was laughing and sometimes she was crying; she didn't know why. She had no control, but it was brilliant; for she didn't have a single care in the world, and it'd only been ten minutes.

Tired eyes moved down to the source of her wonderful escape which was clasped closely in her hand, only half gone. She still had plenty of time before she had to return.

Colours danced against her eyelids, creatures of her mind's own creation joining in to entertain what remained of her in this twisted world. She was high out of her mind, she knew that much at least. She laughed at it – so many people hated this – but she loved it.

_'Where are we_?' a childish voiced asked in her head. _'We are nowhere, we are no one.'_

She laughed at the sound, she was so far gone her mind had created its own being. She swore a child knelt in front of her, soft hair lapping her shoulders, quaint smile gracing her lips, black eyes soulless and empty.

_'Where are we? Nowhere. Where is our mind? Nowhere. Is it gone? Was it ever there at all?_'

The child talked endlessly, voice void of emotion just like her demonic eyes. Pale skin flickered in a pink light that may not have been there at all. She repeated it over and over, '_where is our mind? Where is our mind?_

Lightning's eyes flickered; tired from the stress of the life she put herself through. Hands wrapped themselves close to her; they were so cold. So cold. This child was so creepy, would she stop? Would she shut up?

Shut up! Shut up! Just shut up! It's not gone!

_'Is it?'_

I have it, I have it!

_'Do you?'_

Shut up! Leave me alone!

A sore arm swiped at the small phantom, but she dispersed into smoke and joined the rest circling her before the limb even reached her minuscule frame.

The woman pulled her arm back the second afterwards, dazed mind slowly taking in what happened.

How? Was she really there? Are you making it up? Who are you?

_'I am we._' The ghostly voice responded.

The woman jumped at the sound, at first this was wonderful, but now she wanted out. She shuffled so she was sitting on a tattered blanket fallen to the floor as tears, threatening to fall, edged both eyes. She covered herself, not moving to the bed. Everything ached, so why bother? Her mind was racing thanks to the drug; she couldn't even escape to sleep's loving embrace.

_'But wasn't this supposed to be the escape?'_

I don't know anymore, I don't know anything! I just want to run away! Please release me! I can't take this anymore!

_'Run away? Run away from what?'_

My insanity.

* * *

Lightning walked down the hallway of the hotel, her skirt was tight on her legs and had left a red mark. Her jacket and well-worn shirt under were dirty and crinkled. The passer-bys gave her looks, dissecting her with their eyes.

What did they care? They didn't understand. Not a thing. Not a thing.

The skin under her eyes had turned purple, she was so tired. But she needed to work, she needed the money; she couldn't go out on the streets again, not again. It was worse than the hospital.

Hah, 'hospital'. It had been no hospital. Why did she leave then! Why did she leave?

Each time she took another step her joints screamed out in pain, but she ignored it; she ignored her common sense swearing at her to stop pushing herself like this. But she had to. She had to.

She snuggled the translucent plastic bag closer to her, scarred arms bringing it up. She'd done it to herself; the pain, the blood. It had been her fault. When she was locked up it had been her escape, but she had a new one now. No one could see its contents. It was hers. She needed the escape it would bring. Needed. Her mind didn't enjoy the fact of her life, it needed to torture her. It craved the sound of her pained crying, and the sensations of wet tears streaking down her pale skin. The white powdery substance that the transparent bag held was tucked into her jacket pocket.

Did anyone see her do it? Did anyone see? Did they see?

A paranoid voice was screaming so loud she swore she felt it. In the middle of her head. Should it really hurt like this?

Her breath came short and shaky, her hands quivered as each second became too much to bear. The quicker she returned to her room the better, she needed the escape. The escape, it was bliss.

Sweaty hands ran through dyed black hair, a mess, roots showed. Did she care? Did she care?

Maybe, Do I know! Do you know?

_'Am I we'_

And who is 'we'?

'_We is we_'

Lightning quickened her pace, it was unbearable. She'd only waited a week, but it was unbearable. A woman stood at the end of the brown hallway, eyeing her, scrutinising her.

Why? Why was she doing that?

Black jeans, black jacket, ends decorated in red feathers. Gloves black, heels black. Top looked like some bra, was she some kind of whore? Skin was so dark, like honey, would men consider her beautiful? Did she take advantage of that? Hair was a mess, worse than hers, just as dark, a perfect raven. So tangled. Did that matter to her?

Why is she walking like that? Is she heading for me? Don't, leave me alone; just leave me the fuck alone!

Her boots are so loud, just go away! You're giving me a headache!

The stranger stopped just before Lightning. She was smirking, but her sunglasses hid her eyes. Her lips were painted red.

Why are you looking at me like that? Go away! Go away! Don't touch me! Just walk away and there will be no trouble!

She didn't leave; in fact she grabbed the other's chin and looked into her eyes, as if inspecting her.

The furious look didn't go unnoticed.

"Lookie 'ere! Got ourselves one little paranoid bitch don't we?" Her voice was accented, it was very thick. She was native then? Didn't the only ones round here have brighter hair?

Lightning swiped at her hand and knocked it off. This woman needed to leave, she needed to leave now!

"Get off me you whore!" she yelled, people looked, but why should she care? Why would she care?

The woman laughed, loud and wholeheartedly. Without a worry.

Did she have no worries?

"I ain't no whore girly, haven't even gotten close to that." She sniggered, that look wasn't nice; she didn't need to see her eyes to know that.

"But you however, I gotta wonder." She didn't stop laughing, she never stopped laughing.

Lightning glared. What did this woman know? What did she think she knew?

"I do what I have to, to survive! Shut up!" She stepped back meaning to leave, but this raven haired beauty wanted none of that.

She grabbed her by the waist and pulled her closer; they were a breath away from each other. The woman's hand sunk into her pocket and pulled out what was resting there.

She dangled the packet in front of her eyes, mocking her with a smile.

"Because this is a need, isn't it?" She chuckled, undertones of evil emotions shone out.

Was she angry? Do I care? Do I care!

The tan woman chucked it on the tile floor. Lightning's eyes opened in horror as it burst open on contact. She ducked down to fix it up, panicky hands rushing to shove the contents back in. If only it wasn't powder.

But it's my escape, I need it!

_'Do you?'_

Yes!

"Do you really need that shit?" The woman standing above her kicked her in the chest, sending her sprawling on the ground beneath her.

She stormed forward and knelt down to pick her up by the collar of the jacket she wore, almost too small for her. It hurt, she felt like she was being cut.

The angered woman removed her sunglasses, revealing a pair of brilliant jade eyes.

"Get your priorities right, you stupid bitch! If you want to survive, stop wasting money on that pile of crap!" She threw her back onto the floor and stormed off. Heels clinking with each step, she mumbled something about, "She was wrong."

And that was that.

Lightning picked herself back up and readjusted her jacket. It all hurt. She was so sore. So tired. So sick.

What was her problem? I need this; it's too late to back out now.

She needed it. What did that girl think she knew?

She hastily got what she could of the powder into the bag and left, heading for her room.

* * *

Inside she threw the re-zipped up bag onto a pile of clothes. It stayed fine.

She stripped down until she was in nothing but her singlet and underwear. She licked the minute amount of powder off her hands. She wasn't supposed to have it that way, but she still got the sensations. Looking in the mirror she saw a bruise forming on her side, damn woman.

Damn woman. She knew what she needed; she knew. She knew!

But she was so angry right now she could've screamed; battered this place more; even rip out her goddess-damned hair!

Why am I angry? Why am I so angry!

She chucked herself onto her bed, lashing out at everything that had accumulated on it that didn't need to be there until it was only her and the blankets. She wrapped herself up.

Why am I so angry?

_'Because it's gone'_

Because what's gone! What is it!

_'What do you think?_'

My sanity.

* * *

**I scare myself at how easily I wrote this, it came right out with no trouble at all. Usually I'm extremely critical of my writing and are always going on about it being crap, but for this I'm not, I really honest to god like it.**

**Yes, Claire, I did just say that. (I'm speaking to my sister in an authors note, is that normal?)**

**The story this is for is called 'Insanity'**

**I'm going to have some nice fun writting it as you can you from this quick likkle thang.**

**Ooh, because I must who wants to join in on 'Project Erina'?**

**It's the shameless promoting for my faviourite story on Fanfiction 'Wings of regret'**

**I need as many people doing this as I can because I love it but no ones reads it and it makes me depressed over it. the starting just isn't very good, it only gets better deeper in.**

**Thank you all for reading, hopefully you'll be kind and assist me in keeping my sanity by giving me all well appreciated and much loved reviews, Till next time,**

**Jya mata ne!**

**~Serah Villiers Valentine**


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